Finding Your Passion

Introduction

I wish I could assure you that this guide will give you your calling, your purpose, your passion.

I cannot.

And as far as I know, nothing can.

The only way I’ve found to work – personally and from studying other people – is by trying – sampling – many things until you stumble upon it. Try enough things and success is guaranteed. The big unknown, however, is “when.”

Some are lucky and find their calling in childhood. Others are unlucky and never find it.

Then what makes this uncertain payoff worth the effort?

Passion kills mediocrity.

A calling or a passion lights a fire in you that needs no fuel, no push, no rewards. The doing is the reward. It is its own catalyst.

You’re not pursuing a goal. You’re scratching an itch. An itch that never goes away.

The pursuit of your calling isn’t any easier for you than it is for others. But it feels like play to you and work to others. This lets you go further, harder and longer than others while enjoying the process. This pursuit breeds fulfilment and, over time, success (however you want to define it).

Passion kills mediocrity.

But if you’re reading this, I don’t need to define a calling or why it’s worth finding it. You’re looking for a way to find it. I gave you that at the top: trying many things until you stumble upon it. It’s simple, but not easy.

I don’t know of any other ways to find your calling. But I have discovered many ways to accelerate the process. I hope one of these is the key that unlocks everything for you.  

I wish you a happy, fulfilling and successful life,

Jim

Direct approaches

1. Energizers and drainers

Review weekly:

• Which activity energized me?
• Which activity drained me?
• Pick 1 “drainer” and 1 “energizer”
• Next week, eliminate or reduce the time spent on your “drainer.” Allocate this time to your “energizer.”

Doing this once makes your life easier and happier. But you won’t have found your calling.

Do this for a year and you’ll have made 52 changes. How you spend your time will be completely different. You’ll be a completely different person. And you’ll likely have found your calling.

Even if you haven’t, this process works so well that you’ll likely stick with it. And the longer you stick with it, the likelier you’ll find your calling.

2. Chicken-or-Egg

Many things become more enjoyable as we become more skilled (i.e. as we improve or grow). Some may even turn into a passion, obsession or a calling.

Other things are enjoyable from the start. And because they’re enjoyable, we invest more time and effort, and become more skilled, which makes us enjoy it even more.

So which comes first: passion or skill?

Like the Chicken or Egg dilemma (which comes first?), I haven’t found a conclusive answer yet.

But that doesn’t matter in this case. All we care about is a way to help you find your calling.

So, when lost, pursue growth and stack skills.

• Become great in a skill, area or interest you’re already spending time on. Don’t settle.
• Start and improve yourself in a skill, area or interest you’re not yet spending time on. Explore.

Most important: try fast, quit faster. Skill comes with time but if it doesn’t energize you after a month, it’s better to switch to something else.

3. Who, not what

Instead of asking “what do I want in life?” ask “who would I love to help or work with?”

Which people energize you when you help them? (i.e. the act of helping these people energizes you.)

Then, ask

• How do I want to help them?
• How have I helped them in the past?
• What have they asked my help for in the past?

You now have a list of people and (ideas of) how you want to help them. Contact the first person and offer this help for free. Give yourself 1-3 months. That gives you enough time to experience it and decide if it’s worth continuing (i.e. if it still energizes you).

If it is, continue and improve.

If it isn’t, stop, review your list and contact the next person.

This process helped me uncover my calling.

4. Childhood curiosity

2 prompts to get you started:

• As a child, whenever I had spare time, what did I spend it on?
• As a child, which activities or experiences did I most enjoy?

As adults we do most things in life according to a plan. As children we do most things according to what interests us (and whatever didn’t, we’d do poorly). The latter way of life is far superior and more sustainable.

You can try the activities the 2 prompts gave you. 

Sometimes these activities still energize you today. If so, lean into that: find ways to dedicate more time to it and increase your proficiency. Improve yourself, teach others, write about it, talk about it, make it your work. Anything that’s related to it and seems fun.

Perhaps these activities no longer energize you. Your tastes might have changed. But what is unlikely to have changed is what made these activities so enjoyable. 

To identify those underlying motivators:

• Why did I enjoy this activity?
• What made this activity so fun?
• Why did I do this activity and not [insert activity], like everyone else around me?
• Why did I do this activity instead of spending more time with friends?
• How did this activity make me feel? What about this activity made me feel this way?
• Which other activities gave me a similar feeling? What do these activities have in common?

A personal example: growing up I spent most of my spare time playing role-playing video games (RPGs), reading books and playing football. 

What did I enjoy about them?

• RPGs: the story, understanding different personalities and motivators, and the sense of progression. 
• Books: I enjoyed fiction for its plot twists and how (and why) characters faced obstacles and matured. Non-fiction gave me a sense of self-improvement: I had become a little wiser. My worldview and/or actions had changed.
• Football: Elevating the level of the people around me, both with my play and with my spirit. I’ve practiced many sports – individual and team – and always preferred making others around me better over improving myself. After every match, I’d reflect and analyze with my dad: how I felt, what went well, what didn’t, how we could’ve done better and what to avoid or work on next.

How did I “play”:

• RPGs: I always took an egalitarian, tortoise approach: I rotated squad members to level up everyone, even if it meant slower progression. I completed as many side-quests as possible before defeating the final boss. I never aimed for 100% achievements or personal skill; it was always about developing the characters and the story. I played long, undistracted hours to finish the story as soon as I could.
• Books: I read from beginning to end, preferably in one sitting. I was absorbed – nothing could distract me. Once finished, I moved on to the next book. I never reread.
• Football: I played in service of the team. My strength was my adaptability: any position, any playstyle, any mindset. I did what was needed and most didn’t want to do. I took sitting on the bench better than most. What mattered to me was (helping create) a good, fun, healthy, give-it-our-all environment in which everyone could perform at their best. I got joy from seeing our team thrive and play to the best of its abilities. Winning came second.

RPGs and football no longer give me the joy they once did. Same with most fiction books (and by extension movies and TV shows). I figured out that I lose interest when I know how stories play out…and that I’ve experienced so many that few can surprise me now. I can predict the ending and that bores me.

The same with football: I can quickly judge the tactics used, the skill level of both teams and what the likely outcome will be. Knowing the likely outcome, all I want to do is fast-forward.

But what has remained is intense joy from the unpredictable nature of human progression – and how I can shape and guide that progression. 

Everybody is different, learns differently, has different viewpoints, matures at different rates and has different circumstances (and assets) to build on. That’s why no one’s path is the same. 

Seeing others progress, observing how their stories play out, having a (guiding) hand in their growth, feedback loops, a “game” that is never (exactly) the same and for which I can adjust the difficulty and style at any time?

That is how I found my calling: growth coaching. 

More specifically, holistic growth across different areas of life.

And to finish the “game” (of improving someone) more quickly, I have to improve myself (continuously).

Improving myself to improve others. Increasingly faster so I can increase the difficulty and enjoy even more exciting stories.

That’s how I stumbled upon: reading, writing, meditating, coaching and doing (self-experimentation, being a practitioner) – the five activities I spend most time on.

And it all started with reviewing my childhood curiosities, finding the underlying motivators and thinking of other activities that can give me the same experience. Then trying as many of them as fast as possible (and quitting even faster) until I stumble upon the one activity that satisfies all motivators.

5. 2-year test

Prompt: What are all the problems I’ve solved and topics I’ve learned about over the last 2 years?

I believe in Gandhi’s “action expresses priorities.” (As well as “actions speak louder than words.”) And that’s what this test is about. 

The above prompt gives you a list of topics or activities you’ve invested time in and become more knowledgeable about or skilled at.

Review this list:

1. Which topics do not interest you now? Scratch those. (These are to be avoided. The scratching acts as a decluttering of the list and the mind.)
2. Can you combine some of the remaining topics? Are there ones that overlap? (To further shorten the list.)
3. Of the remaining topics, which 3 jump off the page the most? Which 3 energize you most or produce the fondest memories and feelings?
4. Of those 3, which did you do voluntarily? (Not because work or circumstances forced – and continued to force – you.)
5. If more than 1 remains, which 1 did you spend most free time on?

You now have a list of past effort, reordered by present curiosity.

Next is exploration: going deeper on this 1 topic. Continue as long as it energizes you. Narrow down or refine the topic as you see fit. If it stops interesting you, drop it and move to the next item on your list. Redo your list, if needed.

Some ways in which you can explore (pick whichever suits you most):

• Study the subject and teach others by writing about it online. You’ll attract kindred spirits, given enough time.
• Talk with others interested in the topic – peers, mentors, experts. Preferably, you record the talks and share them online (podcast, YouTube, etc) to attract more like-minded people and expand your social circle over time.
• What is a more advanced problem you can solve or a more advanced skill you can learn related to your topic? Don’t research, just ask yourself the question and let your curiosity decide. Work on solving that problem or acquiring the skill. Document the process in whichever medium suits you. If shy, journaling privately is fine. The documentation serves as a feedback loop: you reflect on your process AND get to understand yourself better. This accelerates the discovery of your purpose.
• Teach people like your 2-year-ago-self. You’ve got more experience than you had 2 years ago: that’s enough to teach, even if you’re not an “expert” yet. Teaching improves your understanding of a subject and helps you uncover if you truly love a subject.
• Which people work in a field related to this subject? Which problems do they have…and which of those do I care most about? Start solving those problems and helping those people. This can be the start of a business/job/freelancing career or simply a nice project on the side. 

6. Loss aversion

Prompts:

• If I had to quit every activity in life, what would be the last one I would quit?
• Imagine that someone/God tells you that you’re no longer allowed to do any of your work, activities, hobbies or projects except 1, what would that be?
• If I could only do 1 activity or “thing” for the rest of my life, what would it be?
• What is the 1 activity or “thing” I can never give up?

We experience loss more strongly than gain. The Stoics knew this 2000 years ago. Modern science rediscovered it a few decades ago.

The above prompts trigger this loss aversion: which activity or “thing” is so dear to you, you’d give up everything else to preserve it?

This works best if you visualize yourself losing “everything else.” Or better yet (but more painful): actually removing everything else.

Deciding what to eliminate next becomes more difficult the more you have already eliminated. At first, decisions are rational. Over time, they become intuitive and difficult to explain – the heart and gut override the brain. This process teaches you a lot about yourself, your values and what you cherish – on a very deep level.

Whatever remains is the “thing” to lean into. Preserving your most prized possession (be it an activity, object or value) is the most powerful intrinsic motivator you can find, second only to survival. 

Your motivation to do/use/grow/develop it may not be as strong as preserving it, but it serves as a great starting point to learn more about yourself. To turn your intuitive understanding into a rational one, if needed. To help identify your purpose – that which can fuel you on its own endlessly.

Having reduced everything to 1 “thing,” judge what you do – and how you spend your time – against it. 

• “Is what I’m doing really worth it?” 
• “Is what I’m about to do really worth it?” 
• “Am I willing to give up [prized possession] to do what I’m about to do?”

Many activities lose their value and importance when judged this way. This helps you eliminate wasteful activities, relationships and objects, and make room for the 1 or few “things” that truly matter to you.

All that remains is doing/using/growing/developing more of your [prized possession]. In the process, you’ll deepen your self-understanding and get increasingly closer to finding your purpose. Action produces information.

7. Constraints

Prompts: 

• What if I can only do 1 thing?
• What if I can only do 1 thing for the rest of my life?
• What if I can only improve 1 skill for the rest of my life?
• What if I can only work on 1 project for the rest of my life?
• What if I can only become great in 1 area?

There are an endless number of variations to this prompt. At its core it’s a thought experiment in which you force yourself to identify what is most important to you. It works best if you visualize yourself in that situation. The more you believe it, the easier it becomes to make the “difficult decisions.”

Thought experiments like these help you eliminate the unimportant to bring the important to the surface. 

It works on a deep, “gut-feel” level and bypasses your rational mind. Whatever answer surfaces becomes your starting point. It’s what your heart wants you to pursue.

Start simple: anything you can do in a few minutes. Do a little bit a few days in a row. Once it’s become habitual and feels enjoyable, increase the volume: reduce something else to make more time for this activity. Continue to increase the volume whenever it feels appropriate. 

With time you’ll notice changes in your energy level: does this activity energize me more than another activity? Does it make me happier?

And when you increase the volume: do I feel better or worse than I was when I did this less often?

These reflections and realizations give direction to your journey, to which improvements you can make today. And, with time, it leads you straight to your purpose.

And if you find that more of this activity does not increase your enjoyment, you can ask yourself these prompts again. Your answer will likely have changed. It also pays to ask yourself “why” and develop a deeper, rational understanding of what motivates your answer (and your heart).

8. The itch test

Make a list of everything you’re interested in:

• Experiences
• Activities or hobbies
• Fields or industries
• Sports or arts
• Locations
• Skills

If you have a “bucket list,” you can use that as a starting point and expand it. If you don’t, create a list from scratch.

You now have a “curiosity list.” I call it “the itch test” because these are all the itches you want to scratch. If they aren’t, remove them from the list.

Putting it on paper serves 3 roles: it clears your mind, gives you a checklist and allows you to cross things off. We like to preserve energy and get a thrill from finishing something. Putting it on paper takes advantage of these human tendencies.

All that’s left now is to take action. You can think and imagine all you want, you won’t know if you’ll enjoy it until you do it. Only action gives feedback. Only action produces information. Information that gets you one step closer to finding your calling.

But you may have a long, daunting list. If it looks overwhelming, use the 5-25 rule. 

1. Reduce your list to the 25 things that most appeal to you. Scratch everything else.
2. From this list, pick out the 5 you care about most. The ones you can’t wait to start.
3. Write these 5 on 1 piece of paper and the remaining 20 on another piece of paper.
4. Title the one with 5 “to do” and the one with 20 “to avoid.”
5. Hang the “to do” list where you can see it. Store the “to avoid” list in a place where you can’t see it.
6. Go and experience whatever is on your “to do” list. Start with whatever is easiest or appeals most.

Remember: action produces information. 

9. The excitement test

Prompt: What can I not stop talking about?

Alternatives:

• What am I excited to talk about?
• What am I excited to teach about?

We can do things out of habit forever. But we cannot talk about things out of habit forever. Either we get bored or the people around us do. And when those around us leave, we learn and adjust: we stop talking about topics we don’t truly care about. But the topics we DO truly care about…we cannot stop talking about them. They are a part of our identity.

The above prompts help generate an initial list. Then, over the next few days or weeks, as you talk/call/text with others, take a few minutes in the evening to add/remove topics to your list based on your conversations.

After a few days/weeks you’ve got a solid list. Which of those would you enjoy talking about with a stranger? Move those to the top. That’s your starting point.

From there it’s time to explore. Do more. Focus on improving your skill in that topic. The 2-year test above outlines a few ways to “explore.”

Continue as long as curiosity allows. When bored, move to the next topic.

10. The obsession test

Prompts:

• What feels like play to me, but looks like work to others?
• What can I research, break down and would love to share (my findings, lessons, experiences) with the world daily?

A different approach from the excitement test, we don’t look at what we talk about but at our actions and how those compare to others.

This test is more difficult to answer for most but provides an even stronger indicator of your purpose for 2 reasons:

• Doing something daily is hard. Doing it for a long period of time is even harder. When you find something that energizes you (instead of drains you), it’s a sign.

• Competence, excellence and greatness are the results of consistent effort that compounds. The difference is the duration – how long you endure. An obsession allows us to reach higher levels of proficiency. Higher proficiency translates into more opportunities (and often success): there are fewer competitors. Also, increasing proficiency becomes a virtuous cycle: as we improve, we feel better about ourselves and what we’re doing, which makes us want to improve further.

What feels like play to you (energizes you), but looks like work to others (drains them) gives you an immediate competitive advantage. And daily effort increases that competitive advantage exponentially.

When you find something that satisfies one prompt, explore it. Spend more time on it. Deepen your understanding. Then revisit this test.

When you find something that satisfies both prompts, drop everything else and dedicate as much of your time and effort to it as possible. You’ve found what you’re looking for.

Even if you don’t know how this obsession relates to others, can benefit the world or how it can accommodate your lifestyle, that’s only a lack of awareness and can be solved with time (your experience) or mentorship/coaching (others’ experience).

11. The pee / midnight / food test

Prompts:

• Pee: In what kind of activities or work do I get so absorbed that I forget to pee?
• Midnight: What kind of activities or work do I do past midnight?
• Food: In what kind of activities or work do I get so absorbed that I forget to eat?

All 3 prompts work off the same premise: you become so focused – so “in the zone” – that you forget or sacrifice basic human needs (to pee, to sleep, to eat) in favour of those activities.

Just like we binge-watch tv shows or binge-read books with great stories, we binge-work activities that interest us greatly: playing video games, studying (for a test, for example), finishing a report, solving a difficult problem, preparing a trip, researching an interesting topic. 

Any activity that comes out of the above prompts serves as a great starting point to find your calling. They feel like play to you. They energize you. They keep you going. 

With these activities it’s not about starting – you’re already doing them – but about (1) increasing the time you dedicate to them and (2) improving yourself. Do whatever you can to make more time for them. 

When possible, share what you’re working on or learning with others. Sharing your journey and teaching others produces moments of serendipity, exposes gaps in your understanding and accelerates your growth.

12. The holiday test

Prompt: 

• What would I do if I had 1 week off, without obligations, responsibilities, concerns and money wasn’t an issue? 
• What if I had 1 month? 
• What if I had 1 year?
• What if I had 10 years?

If you’re reading this, you’ll want a break from whatever you’re doing. A time to do “nothing” and relax. 

But there comes a time when “doing nothing” turns into boredom. For some it takes an hour. For others it takes a month. At some point, you can’t sit still anymore…yet you have no obligations (no “have to do’s”) and complete freedom of time.

What would you do with that time? How would you spend it?

The above prompts are thought experiments that present your “default” – that which you’ll inevitably revert to. They expose your deepest desires, interests, curiosities or itches.

The longer the duration of the thought experiment, the more valuable the answer it provides (as it’s your deepest “default”).

This is a strong indicator of what you “should be doing” or what you “should be working toward.” 

It might be your calling. It might not be. But it’s a desire that, once fulfilled, gives you an answer (it either is or is not your calling) and brings you one step closer to understanding yourself.

3 ways to go about it:

1. Identify what’s holding you back from doing or realizing it now.
2. Then,
   1. Ask yourself: “What needs to happen to do or realize this?” and “How can I remove these obstacles?” The answers become your roadmap. Set a date by which you think this roadmap can be completed, decide which “checkpoint” to start with (pick the easiest one) and get to work.
   2. OR ask yourself: “What if I had to make it happen today? How would I do it?” This thought experiment helps you think of alternative ways that circumvent the obstacles altogether.
   3. OR ask yourself: “Why do I want this? How else can I experience this (feeling)? What can I do with my current circumstances and assets?” This helps you think of alternative ways to get to a different but similar outcome.

An example: say the holiday test made you realize your desire is to “travel the world” and your obstacles are (1) not enough money to leave, (2) no source of income other than your current job (which cannot be done remotely) and (3) visa restrictions.

These become your roadmap:

1. Which country do you start with? What are the flight costs, living expenses for 1 week and miscellaneous costs (visa, domestic travel, etc)? You’ve got your savings target.
2. With my current skills, which jobs can I do (a) remotely/online or (b) in the country I go to (legally)? Can I barter and work for accommodation and food instead of paying for them (like WWOOFing)? You’ve got your income target.
3. Which visas am I eligible for? What do I need (to do) to satisfy the requirements? Which countries have more lenient requirements? You’ve got your visa targets.
4. Plot your course for each target, set a realistic timeline and get to work. You’ve now got an inspiring (and realistic) goal to work toward.

Alternatively, ask yourself “Why do I want to travel the world?” and “How else can I get this experience?”

Maybe you want to experience other cultures, in which case you can use services like iTalki or Tandem to interact with native speakers from around the world.

Maybe you want to see foreign architecture or nature, in which case you can read books and watch documentaries. 

Maybe you want to make friends or work with people from other countries, in which case you offer homestays, do freelancing work or find remote work.

None of these offer the same experience, but get you started – and anything is better than daydreaming and keeping desires pent up.

13. Labour of Love

Prompt:

• What would I happily work on for free?
• Who would I happily work for/with for free?

One level higher:

• What would I happily work on even if I knew I’d never get paid for it?
• Who would I happily work for/with even if I knew I’d never get paid for it?

Highest level:

• What would I pay for to be able to work on?
• Who would I pay to be able to work for/with?

The first two prompts give you a list of activities, projects and people you’d like to work on or with. These are your passion projects. You may not know yet why these interest you (or maybe you do) but somehow they do. 

The higher level prompts help you evaluate and reorder your list. Not all passions and interests are created equal. As we cannot create more time, prioritizing is key. What not to do is as important as what to do.

The higher level prompts may yield no result. Anxiety about supporting yourself financially or an unwillingness to “work” for free (or pay for it!) may dominate. That’s okay. They serve to cull your list of passion projects, not create it. (These prompts are just thought experiments; everything can be monetized even if you don’t yet know how.)

With your list established, it’s time for action.

What jumps out from your list?

If it’s an activity, what can you do in the next 2 weeks and what can you do in the next 2 minutes? The former gives you direction, the latter gets you started today. If you thrive under (social) pressure, tell someone of your plan. 

If it’s a person, call/text/email him. 

• If you know what you want to work on together, tell him/her what you’ll do, when you’ll have it done and ask what is the best way to share it. 
• If you’re unsure what to work on, ask what he/she is working on, why, his/her goal for the year and what is holding him/her back from realizing this goal this week (instead of this year). That becomes your work. Don’t ask how to get it done, figure it out alone. It’s how you establish (and show) your value and cultivate the relationship. Pleasant surprises trump expectations.

Do the work. Afterwards, decide to continue or to move on to another passion project. Rinse-and-repeat – it’s that simple.

14. The opportunity test

Prompts:

• What is my biggest opportunity?
• What am I uniquely qualified to solve?
• What am I uniquely positioned for to solve?

This is a more entrepreneurial approach that anyone can use. Let’s break it down.

1. List whatever comes to mind using the above prompts. If no ideas arise, that’s okay.
2. Make a list of topics you feel you know more about than (most of) your friends and people around you. These can be hobbies, interests, topics you’ve studied, topics you’ve learnt or are learning about in your spare time or how you earn your living.
3. Add to this list topics you feel you could (and would enjoy) teach others about for 45 minutes – without any preparation.
4. Pick 1 topic and in a second column answer “what would I wish was different/easier?” Imagine or recall the last time you studied that topic (“how to improve my chess game”) or did an activity related to that topic (“fixing a broken faucet” or “finding a new sofa”). It might take a minute – give it some time and soon you’ll remember (or imagine) your “pain points”: those moments you wish things had been a little easier. Write everything down.
5. Do the same for every other topic on your list. Does a topic bore you? Scratch it.
6. If a friend had the problems in your second column, which ones would you gladly help him solve or advise him on? Scratch everything else.
7. Which of the remaining problems would you enjoy helping a stranger with (in person or online)? Scratch the rest.
8. Of the remaining problems, if you could resolve 1 permanently, which would it be?

After this exercise you have:

• A list of topics you’re more knowledgeable in or skilled at than most – your current edge.
• A list of problems you care about – your durable edge.
• 1 problem to get started with – your starting point.

15. The entrepreneurship test

Prompt:

• What’s a problem so interesting that I’d gladly invest the next 20 years of my life on solving it?

Related to the guaranteed success test, this prompt emphasizes an itch or curiosity so strong you wouldn’t mind working on it for 20 years – except with no guarantee of success.

I call this the entrepreneurship test because the answer to this prompt lends itself well for a business endeavour. 

Think about it: if there was an existing solution, there would be no need to pursue it. If it was a simple problem, it wouldn’t take you – let alone keep you interested for – 20 years to solve. 

“Anything worth doing is worth doing to excess,” Edwin Land, founder of Polaroid and Steve Jobs’ hero, once said.

And that’s what this test is about: helping you identify the problem(s) you find intellectually stimulating or intensely interesting – the ones worth solving.

If you’re lucky, you can clearly define 1 or more problems that fit the bill. In this case, to decide where to start, pick either the one that comes easiest to you or the biggest one. The former makes starting easier; the latter inspires more.

If you’re unlucky and cannot clearly define 1 or more problems, just start with what comes to mind. Action produces information – as you do more, you’ll get feedback (internal and external) that helps you narrow down, refine and add specificity to your list. With time and effort, everything becomes clear.

16. The GOAT test

Prompt:

• What can I become number 1 in?
• What do I want to become number 1 in?
• What would I give up everything else for to become number 1 in?
• To what could I dedicate myself every day to become number 1 in?

Like other life forces, we humans have an innate drive to survive. To improve our odds, we look for niches – smaller sections in the environment we can dominate. Because we know: as long as we’re not the weakest, we can survive. But become the strongest and we become untouchable (until something else evolves faster than we do or we become complacent) – our survival is practically guaranteed.

The GOAT test (Greatest Of All Time test) combines our survival urge, our need for progress and the concept of niche…to help you find your niche of 1 – your purpose.

The first prompt emphasizes self-awareness and self-knowledge. We can become anything we want but that doesn’t mean we can dominate anything we want. Trying to answer this question forces you to reflect on your personality, your strengths, your assets, your circumstances and your opportunities. Even if there is no clear answer, the reflection alone deepens your self-understanding.

The second prompt emphasizes your intrinsic motivation and desires, ignoring possibilities. The third and fourth prompt test your resolve, eliminating the “this seems nice” areas. Only those you truly care about and are willing to put effort in will remain.

Trying to answer any of the prompts you’ll probably realize it’s easier to become number 1 if you combine different areas to create a smaller niche (with less competition). 

Becoming the best Japanese football player in J. League history (Japan’s top pro league) is easier than becoming the best football player in history.

Becoming the best salsa and hip-hop dancer in Slovakia is easier than becoming the best salsa dancer OR the best hip-hop dancer in history.

A personal example: by the time I die, I hope to be able to help anyone in 5 minutes, at that time and 300+ years later. I’ll be the greatest growth coach in history.

But to survive until then I need a smaller niche. I cannot compete with titans…yet.

So – for now – I focus on becoming the best coach for your people and businesses wanting to turn their ideas into reality in a positive manner and contribute to a better self and better world.

Even then, I might not be able to survive. I’m not the best entrepreneur (to grow the business). I’m not the best marketer (to attract and persuade clients). I’m not the best salesperson. I’m not the best speaker. 

But I can combine even more areas to create a niche in which I CAN dominate…and survive long enough to expand my niche to the extent I have in mind:

• I can write – for free – and become the best “written coach” in this niche.
• I can understand different cultures and learn to speak in different languages, and become the best “multicultural coach” in this niche.
• I can create digital resources – paid and/or free – and become the best “digital coach” in this niche.
• I can offer products/services – for a lower fee or free – and become the best “low-cost/free coach” in this niche.

The prompts question your self-knowledge and motivation to help identify the niche you can dominate. You may have to niche down, at first, like I’m doing. Once you’ve established a dominant position, you then expand your niche.

Or you may want to stay in your initial niche forever, in which case you can improve yourself to strengthen your position. Mastery is a never-ending journey: every layer you peel back reveals a new one.

Both your GOAT niche and its pursuit are very personal. It’s not easy but you’ll find the journey rewarding, stimulating and liberating as every step improves your self-understanding. The journey becomes the reward.

To summarize this section: find the 1 thing you care about (more than anyone else), stick with it (longer than anyone else) and success becomes guaranteed. The financial rewards of niches vary, as do their competitive pressures, but the satisfaction and fulfilment for the GOATs in each niche are the same. 

Think of it like driving a car: driving a Toyota Prius or a Ferrari F40 feels different and gives us a different sense of self/reputation – at different costs – but they can both bring us to the destination we want.

17. Future you

Prompt:

• What does my life look like 10 years from now?
• How does 10-year-in-the-future-me spend his days?
• What does 10-year-in-the-future-me look like?
• What kind of person is the me 10 years from now?

These prompts were inspired by Matthew McConaughey’s Oscar acceptance speech. He discussed the hero he’s always chasing and will never catch up to: his 10 year older self.

When asked, we may not be able to put our desired future into words. But we can often imagine the future we dream of or the type of person we would like to be. These prompts force you to visualize.

And as you get older, so does your future self: every day the checkpoint gets pushed further along in your journey. You’ll never stop chasing. You’ll never stop growing. You’ll never stop exploring.

Answering these prompts helps you identify the gap between your desired future and present self/situation. This becomes the personal quality or aspect in your life to work on. Ask yourself: what is the simplest thing I can do to get a step closer to this imagined future?

Visualizing this future self/situation daily (when you wake up or before you go to bed) reinforces its importance and urgency. This effect compounds: the longer you keep the streak going, the stronger the reinforcement.

If you find it difficult to imagine your future life, read my Octagon of Life, then ask yourself the above prompts again. With 8 areas in your life to work with, you’ll likely find at least one area in which your future self differs from your present self. Start there.

18. Guaranteed success

Prompt:

• What would I build/do/work on if I were guaranteed success but had to spend the next 25+ years working on it?

A more entrepreneurial prompt that inverts the earlier guaranteed failure prompts.

When success is guaranteed, and all fear of failure is gone, what would you spend your time on? What really drives you? 

But it comes with an important caveat: success, while guaranteed, will take 25 years of effort. It forces you to focus on something that can energize you every day for a long period of time.

This prompt is a thought experiment. But the funny thing is that it’s hyper-realistic.

Think about it: do anything for 25 years and you cannot help but become great at it. Without (a sense of) progress, you almost certainly would have given up on it. But you didn’t.

Stay in the game long enough and success becomes inevitable. 25 years is a long, long time. 

While the prompt is a thought experiment, it’s also realistic. And that makes this test so powerful.

You’d do yourself a huge favour pursuing your answer(s) to this prompt. But, you may be wondering, how to earn money with this? And how should I start?

Start simple. Dedicate whatever time you have available. And remember: success is guaranteed, so why concern yourself with money now? It’ll come.

If your concern for money dominates, you’re doing the wrong thing for the wrong reason. This test serves to help you find a passion – a purpose – something that fuels you simply for the sake of doing it, not for any reward. Again: those rewards will come. But the price you have to pay is 25 years of effort, of labour, of dedication.

If you’re concerned about money, get a job or do something that pays you reliably first. Address your anxiety. Then, with a clear mind and peaceful heart, work on your 25-year passion project on the side. With a spirit of doing something for the sake of doing it, you’ll accelerate your progress. And before you know it, your passion pays for itself. But expect it to take 25 years.

Ask yourself every day: “what is the simplest thing I can do today to take a step forward with this project?” Do that. 1 action – or 1 day – won’t make a difference. But 100 actions? 1000 actions? 9131 actions? Those will transform your life. And all it takes is 1 simple action that advances you every day – for 25 years.

So, what would you work on if success was guaranteed but would take you 25 years?

19. The thread that connects all

1. Grab a piece of paper or online spreadsheet and create 4 columns.
2. Column 1: list the 5 activities over the past week or month you spent most of your spare time on. (You can group similar activities together in buckets, if you want.)
3. Column 2: list the 5 activities you want to do more of.
4. Column 3: list the 5 activities you want to do but aren’t doing yet.
5. Column 4: list the 5 activities you want to do less of.

Honestly, the number of activities is arbitrary. You could list 3 in each or 10 in each. But I think most people can come up with 5. What’s important is that you have at least a couple in each column.

Like we did with childhood curiosity, we now look for the underlying motivators: what do the (positive) activities in columns 1~3 have in common (save column 4 for later)?

In my case:

• Writing
  • I want to improve my writing so I can convey my ideas more clearly, it’s more enjoyable to read and it’s more persuasive.
  • I want to create more helpful guides for others (who cannot afford my services or outlive me). 
  • I also found writing to improve my thinking, accelerate my learning and clear my mind (and as a result I can be more “present”). I think increasing my writing time further improves these benefits.
• Reading
  • I want to learn more – across all areas of life – to be able to help more people and solve more problems.
  • Reading comes very easily to me. I can do it for hours on end. I want to see at which point I’d feel bad for reading so much.
  • I learn more (and faster) from books than from any other medium. Much of what I’ve learnt from books has been helpful in life and/or business. When I find something worth revisiting or rereading, it’s almost always a book. 
• Meditation
  • It silences my “monkey mind” and improves my focus. It’s easier to get myself to work on difficult, but important projects or problems after meditation. Without it, I tend to do easier, but less important activities first…and end up feeling bad later.
  • It improves my overall mood. It makes me more positive about every area of life.
  • It enables introspection. I improve my understanding of myself, my triggers and how my mind works. Occasionally, I get deeper insights that apply to others or help me improve my business (and subsequently my life).

What connects these 3 (i.e the underlying motivators):

• I want more peace-of-mind – to improve my focus and performance.
• I want to accelerate my learning – to help others.
• I want to help more people and solve more problems – on a larger (and cheaper) scale than my time allows. The written word is my medium (for now).

Then look at column 4 and ask yourself: “why do I want to do less of these?”

In my case:

• Calls
  • I can provide the best service this way, yes, but I want to help more people. I need something more scalable.
  • I feel inspired and on a mission. Chit-chat with most people bothers me; it feels like a waste of time (unless I specifically made it a “do nothing”-kind of day/time of day). 60 min calls can be done in 30. 30 min calls in 15.
  • A call on my agenda is on my mind the entire day. It increases the noise in my mind and affects all activities – and my performance – that day.
• Emails and private messages
  • I’m an Inbox Zero kind of guy. Having people await my reply, even if their outreach is uncalled for and not useful to me, bothers me. 
  • Writing takes more time than talking/calling. And personal emails and messages don’t scale well.
• Posting on social media
  • I do it because it allows me to reach (and help) many people and it provides a quick feedback loop to iterate on. But they come with the danger of constant comparison and doom-scrolling.
  • Much of the content is low-quality, clutters my mind and clouds my judgment. It gives me ideas and avenues to pursue to replicate others’ success, but are (actually) nothing more than distractions.
  • Humans become, behave and think like those they spend most time with. What works on social media is geared toward algorithms (and to a lesser extent human nature) – it’s a copycat league. The more I expose myself to it, the more I find myself a copycat running on a treadmill. The quality of my creations and service suffers as I forego my unique skills, knowledge and insights.

Combining all these insights:

• Which activities cover the most motivators and the fewest demotivators (which you identified looking at column 4)? Combine the activities from columns 1~3 and reorder them based on this. This becomes your “motivating activities” list.
• Which activities cover the most demotivators? Reorder column 4 based on this – the activity with the most demotivators comes on top. This becomes your “demotivating activities” list.
• Which other activities can you think of that let you experience these motivators, without experiencing the demotivators? Add these to your “motivating activities” list.

In my case:

• Videos (YouTube, webinars) scale better than writing. It accelerates my learning and allows me to help more people. But it requires more upfront and backend work – scripting, editing, uploading – than writing. None of these activities interest me, energize me nor am I skilled in them. Pass.
• Audio. I think audio is more powerful than the written word and I believe in podcasts. But, like video, it requires more miscellaneous – uninteresting to me – work than writing. I also think I have a higher aptitude for writing than audio. Pass for now.
• Appearing as a guest on other’s podcasts. Provides many of the benefits of a personal podcast but without many of the drawbacks. Some outreach and back-and-forth required, but I decide when to scale up or down. Add.

You use the “motivating activities” and “demotivating activities” lists like the energizers and drainers: figure out how to decrease your time spent on 1 of the latter activities and allocate that freed up time to 1 of the former activities. Starting with the top activity on both lists is often easiest and most enjoyable.

Repeat this process of adjusting your list, rebalancing your time, experiencing your new routine and reflecting on it (asking yourself the prompts again, if necessary) until you have found your calling. Each iteration brings you one step closer.

Inverted approaches

20. Anti-Goals

“What do I want?” might take a lifetime to answer. But “What do I not want?” is – for many of us – surprisingly easy to answer. 

It’s based on the idea of inversion, that problems are often best solved when reversed. 

From there we design Anti-Goals to avoid those outcomes.

1. Make a list of what you don’t want in life. Some prompts:
   1. What does my worst possible life look like?
   2. What does my worst possible day look like?
   3. What work do I dread?
   4. Which activities/tasks do I dread?
   5. What kind of people do I hate being around?
   6. What kind of environment do I hate being in?
2. Then work backwards for each item on the list: “What can I do to avoid this from happening?” This gives you something actionable.
3. Which Anti-Goals are you violating now? These become the ones to work on. Pick one and work on that exclusively until you’re successful in eliminating it from your life. Only then move on to the next one.
4. As you go through life you’ll uncover more things you don’t want, don’t like, don’t enjoy or that drain you. Create an Anti-Goal for it and add it to your list. Then work on it.

Anti-Goals are another way to get to know yourself. And as you remove these activities in your life, you’ll find yourself becoming happier and more fulfilled.

21. The fear test

Make a list of everything you’re afraid of. Activities, animals, objects, experiences, anything that comes to mind.

Some prompts:

• What am I afraid of?
• What am I running away from?
• What am I avoiding?

Reorder your list from least scary to most scary.

Behind each item write down why you fear it. Is it a feeling it gives you? The opinion of others? Potential failure? Uncertainty? The unknown?

This Fear list is how you’re self-handicapping: avoiding unpleasantries in the hopes of potential failure from hurting your self-esteem.

But the quickest way to learn about yourself – what you like/dislike, what you can be good at – is to stretch yourself. Doing something that you haven’t done before.

And nothing beats doing something you’re afraid of and, almost always, realizing it wasn’t so scary after all.

At the top of your list write “Confidence Builder.” That’s what we call this list from now on. Each fear you overcome gives you confidence. Success begets success. It’s a muscle that can be trained – and confidence boosts the development of that muscle.

All that’s left is tackling each item on the list. Decide if you start with the least scary or most scary, then work your way up/down. 

Make the start as simple as possible. I find signing up for an introductory class or tutoring session to work wonders. I Google, find something that suits me, sign up and add it to my calendar. Now I just have to show up.

22. The regret test

Regret prompts:

• At 80, what will I regret not having done?
• At 80, what will I regret not having learnt?
• At 80, what will I regret not having solved?
• At 80, what will I regret not having created?
• At 80, what will I regret not having worked on?
• At 80, who will I regret not having spent more time with?

Premortem prompts:

• At 80, what would I consider a “failed” life?
• At 80, what would have to have happened in my life to consider it a failure?

The regret prompts give you a list of activities you want to do or people you want to be with.

The premortem – expecting failure to pre-empt it – prompts give you a list of activities you want to avoid. Like Anti-Goals it uses the concept of inversion: avoid negative outcomes to increase the likelihood of positive ones.

Use these to review your current lifestyle:

• What are you doing that is on your premortem list?
• What are you doing that is not on your regret list?
• What are you not doing that is on your regret list?

Whatever comes up, pick the easiest one to eliminate and the easiest one to start/add to your life. Eliminate the former and use that freed up time for the latter. Then rinse-and-repeat.

Regret is a terrible feeling and, as a result, a powerful motivator. The prompts serve as thought experiments that take you to an age at which you know time is scarce.

If you find it difficult imagining – truly feeling – yourself as 80 years old, talk with elderly and ask them the above questions instead. These could be relatives or complete strangers (volunteering at a retirement home is a great way for this). Talk with a few of them and it should make answering these prompts easier.

23. Guaranteed failure

Prompts:

• What would I do EVEN if I knew it was guaranteed to fail?
• What would I NOT do if I knew it was guaranteed to fail?

If you can answer the first prompt, you’ve practically found your purpose. You’ve identified something in which you find reward in the doing, the journey, the process – and not the result. 

That’s a superpower. 

Success – personal and financial – comes from iteration and staying in the game long enough. Love the game and you’ll play forever. Love the result and you’ll give up sooner or later. The American proverb “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” captures this spirit perfectly.

It’s worth it to dedicate as much time, energy and effort to whatever answer the first prompt gave you.

But it might not have yielded any answer. In that case the second prompt can be useful. Like some of the other techniques in this guide, it uses inversion: going from desired outcome to avoiding an undesired outcome.

Our most valuable resource is our time: this second prompt prevents us from wasting it by stress testing our interest, motivation or the extent of our curiosity in anything that’s caught our attention.

You can use it to “passion test” 1 idea you have (“let me learn programming” or “let me start a dropshipping business”) or to filter a list of interesting ideas, projects and activities (like your bucket list or ones produced in the itch test or excitement test).

Instead of experiencing a loss of motivation or beating yourself up over a failure down the road, you prevent these negative feelings altogether. Avoiding negative feelings makes remaining positive easier. Remaining positive makes putting in effort easier. Putting in effort makes finding your passion, your purpose, your calling, easier.

Knowing what you don’t love is as useful, if not more, as knowing what you love. 

Before wrapping up this section, I want to give you one more useful prompt: 

Which projects give me skills or relationships, even if they fail?

Ask yourself this in case the original 2 Guaranteed Failure prompts left you with multiple ideas or projects to pursue. This prompt helps you prioritize and “fail forward” – becoming stronger with every failure and bringing success ever closer.

Indirect approaches

24. The question test

Prompt: what is my biggest question?

A simple prompt that channels your curiosity. 

Your question can range from metaphysical (what is the meaning of life?) to practical (how can I be faster at my work?). It can be skill-based (how can I make the tastiest soup?) or even financial (how can I earn $1 million?). 

There is no right or wrong. There is only what’s right to you.

My question is my life’s mission with 2 conditions: how can I help anyone in 5 minutes, now or 300+ years after I’m gone, while having freedom of time, money and location, and putting loved ones first?

Your current question may fuel you the rest of your life – like mine likely will – or it may evolve as you learn more about yourself and your question.

Either way, pursuing an answer only yields positive results: intrinsically you’ll be motivated, extrinsically you’ll be rewarded if you share your experiences and lessons with the world. These rewards can be monetary, but most of them will be in the form of relationships and opportunities.

Going down rabbit holes is rewarding. Pursue your biggest question to shape the world around you.

25. The struggle test

Prompt: what is my biggest struggle?

Like the question test, this prompt produces a struggle you want to have solved. That’s a strong motivating force.

Even if it doesn’t benefit others, resolving this struggle improves your life. That alone should be enough reason to pursue it.

But, while history doesn’t repeat itself, human nature does. Your biggest struggle is very likely something others struggle with – or have struggled with – too. 

And the internet allows you to find and reach these people, instantly, for free. 

So even if pursuing your biggest struggle seems selfish or without (financial) reward, it won’t be if you actually find a solution. At a minimum, you’ll have solved your own issue (and become wiser). More likely, you have a working solution that others – with similar circumstances – would benefit from. 

Be selfish to be selfless.

One note: we all have many struggles, not just one. But you definitely experience one more strongly than another. And progress accelerates when tasks/projects are done sequentially (one after the other), not parallelly (multiple at the same time).

My biggest struggle in 2019 was a lack of freedom and control in my work. This led me to quit my job and start for myself. My biggest struggle became earning money, quickly followed by earning money in a way I enjoy. I tried different types of work, all paid, until I found one I enjoyed. 

I never expected to be an entrepreneur and have my own business, but my biggest struggle and the subsequent process of resolving it made me realize that it suits me more than working for someone else. Having tasted this, I can no longer go back.

Every time I resolve my “biggest struggle,” a new one emerges. From “what is my unique service/outcome that people are willing to pay for?” to “who is my ideal client?” to “how can I attract my ideal client?”. 

But it’s not just about business. There were times when my biggest struggle was “I have to move out in 24 hours,” “how can I improve my relationship with my girlfriend’s family” or “how can I be less controlled by my habits/stomach?”

Each struggle – like a gym workout – made me stronger. Each solution gave me another tool – to help myself and others with. And each resolution lays the foundation for the next. Everything compounds and accelerates the next struggle-solution loop.

The “biggest struggle” focuses you on your most important problem first. And focus pays.

26. The improvement test

Prompts:

• What would I like to improve in my life?
• How would I like to improve myself?
• What would I like to get better at?
• What would I like to learn?
• What would I like to do that I’m not already doing?

These prompts give you a wide range of personal interests: skills, hobbies, activities, experiences, values, qualities, circumstances. An all-you-can-eat buffet of improvements.

The prompts serve as a brain dump – to give you a list of anything that you feel would improve your life and have a remote interest in. To make the imaginary tangible.

Look at your list and pick whichever item energizes you most. Then ask yourself “what can I do in the next 2~5 minutes to get started?” and do that.

Read a page, make a call, make an appointment, sign up for something – anything that gets the ball rolling. No planning, only forward progress.

What you’ll quickly learn is that many things on your list don’t excite you. In fact, they might even drain you. What you imagined to be great turned out to be boring. 

That’s the point of the improvement test: you identify any improvement you want to make and go do it – rapid experimentation-style. Do things fast, quit them faster.

Thinking produces ideas. Doing produces feedback. It’s the latter you need.

Best case, you stumble upon something that enthrals you and you can’t stop thinking about or working on early on. You’re getting close to your purpose.

Worst case, you’ve done something that you considered an improvement, even if you don’t want to continue down its road. You’ve improved, you’ve learnt something about yourself, you’ve got a new story/experience to share, you’ve cleared a part of your mind and you know what’s NOT your purpose. You haven’t reached your goal but you’re undoubtedly a step closer…and an even better person.

27. The hero test

Prompts:

• Who/what do I admire and why?
• Who would I love to be friends with and why?
• Who would I love to spend time with and why?

These prompts won’t give you your purpose. But they help identify your heroes – people you would like to emulate. We often pick them instinctively. Somehow they resonate with the person we would like to be.

You now have 2 options to use your heroes to uncover your purpose:

• Spend as much time with them as possible, preferably in physical proximity. “Energy” transfers best offline. Observe and study them.
• Study them, understand them, ask yourself often “what would XXX do/say?”, emulate them. 

Almost all my heroes are dead. In that case only the 2nd option is available.

As you spend time with others (in person or by studying them), you’ll naturally start to become like them and move toward an average of your heroes. If picked right, this moves you toward the person you would like to be.

But what we’re after is finding our purpose. By studying, observing and emulating our heroes – and our ideal self – we not only copy good qualities and habits, but also bad ones. The more closely we study others, the more we become aware of those qualities and habits we don’t want to emulate. We learn what we do not want. And, by elimination, we deepen our self-understanding and progress toward finding our purpose.

The hero test is not as direct a method as some of the others in which you “do” activities. It’s more roundabout, thus slower.

But it provides two advantages:

• Many of us find it easier to identify people we admire or want to emulate than “things” we want to do. 
• It requires less effort, thus easier to start. You’ll change and learn automatically by changing who you spend time with. Even if you cannot move, you can study and emulate others from afar with books, videos and the internet. Emulation is always an option.

You can accelerate the process by asking yourself “why” often. By trying to turn intuition into a rational understanding, we use more of our brain’s faculties. The brain, in turn, rewards us by working harder – consciously when we ask “why” and subconsciously (“in the background”) when we’re asleep or doing something else.

Understand others to understand yourself. Be with your heroes to become like your heroes. Change is inevitable, but you can guide its direction…to help you find your purpose…and become a better person in the process.

28. The 10% long/short test

This is something I picked up from Warren Buffett, the world’s most famous investor, the Oracle of Omaha. He guaranteed this test would make one happy. And I think it can be used as a catalyst to find your purpose.

Start by imagining the people in your life as publicly traded companies – some will succeed and their value will rise, some will flounder and watch their value fall.

Now imagine I’m going to give you an hour. In that hour you have to pick one of those people to own 10 percent of for the rest of your life. Write that person’s name down and list the reasons or qualities that made you pick that person. Look for someone you predict will keep appreciating, who you would “buy long.”

Next, pick a person who you would “sell short,” who you think will depreciate. Again, write that person’s name down and list the reasons or qualities that made you pick this person.

You now have a list with on the one side personal qualities you want to own 10 percent of and on the other side personal qualities you want to short 10 percent of.

The desirable qualities are almost certainly qualities you can acquire – like generosity, humour, forgiveness – not ones you are born with – like kicking a football or singing a high C.

As for the undesirable qualities: if they turn you off of another person, you will similarly turn people off of you if you possess these qualities. And again: these are likely acquired qualities, which means you don’t have to have them. You can remove them.

With that list all you have to do is say “I want to be like the one I want to own 10 percent of” and work on developing the personal qualities you admire while removing the personal qualities you dislike in others.

Buffett guarantees that the person who does this becomes a happy person.

I think that this is something, like the hero test, you can do even if you don’t know what you want in life. Identify the people you admire and dislike, the qualities they possess, compare yourself against these and improve yourself to acquire/remove these qualities. 

This journey of self-exploration and self-improvement will inevitably give you information on your desirable/undesirable traits, qualities, activities, experiences and other “things”…that bring you ever closer to finding your purpose…until you ultimately find it. (Not to mention helping you identify which people to hang out with and which environment to live in, which further accelerate your journey of self-discovery.)

29. The eulogy test

Prompts:

• What do I want my tombstone to say?
• What do I want others to say about me at my funeral?
• What do I want to be remembered for?
• How do I want to be remembered?

All 4 prompts are variations of the same concept: in your lifetime, what is the biggest impact you want to have made on the lives of others?

This helps you identify a few things:

• Who are the people that (truly) matter to me?
• As what kind of person do I want to be remembered (by the above people)?
• How do I want to have helped these people while I was alive – to the extent they remember me for it?
• What specifically do I want to leave these people with? (memories, resources, opportunities)

Which tells you:

• What kind of person you want to be.
• How you want to serve others (aka what you want to do).
• Who you want to help, serve or foster relationships with.

You can compare these with your current life, personality and relationships. If there are discrepancies, make adjustments. If not, do more of what you’re already doing. You’re on the right track according to your internal sensor.

You probably won’t uncover your calling with the eulogy test but you will uncover what matters to you, which allows you to adjust. The more you’re in line with this “hero” image of yourself, the higher the odds of finding your calling.

30. The environment test

Prompt:

• What does my ideal environment look like?
• What does the worst environment for me look like?
• Where would I like to live and why?
• Would I like to live here forever and why?

These prompts – like the hero test – won’t give you your purpose directly. But they help identify your ideal environment – one that has the attributes you want. Knowing this (and understanding why) deepens your self-understanding, which in turn gets you closer to identifying your purpose.

Like some other tests, the prompts are a combination of present condition, inverted and desired questions. Even if you don’t know what you DO want (common if you lack exposure to alternatives), you’ll likely know what you do NOT want…or what you do not like about your current situation (“the grass is always greener on the other side”).

If these prompts give you a list of attributes but you don’t know a specific place, you’ll have to do some research. Talk to (well-travelled) others, read first-hand accounts of other places, watch documentaries – anything that helps you find a location that has most, if not all, attributes you care about.

Once identified, the next step is simple: move. 

(It’s your ideal location, right? What can possibly hold you back? Visa? Family? Friends? Job? Money? All of those can be figured out and dealt with. But it all starts with making a decision…which costs nothing and which you can do here and now.)

That said, if you’ve got a family to support or haven’t visited your ideal environment before (i.e. it’s all based on your imagination), I recommend travelling there first. You won’t get the full experience as a traveller (compared to a resident) but it lets you taste the “energy” and decide it’s still your ideal location.

Even if you’re still stuck in your current location, you can ask yourself: “how can I replicate my ideal environment from home?”

Some ideas:

• You can look for people from that area (or who have lived there) in the place you live.
• You can make friends with current residents of your ideal environment online (and spend more time with them over those around you).
• You can read first-hand accounts – positive and negative ones, you want both – on blogs/vlogs.

Like the hero test, another environment inevitably changes you. You are a product of your experiences – those “things” you are exposed to in life. Nothing provides more experiences, thus changing you faster, than a new environment – not even people.

But this test is ultimately a means, not an end. What we’re after is identifying our purpose. Frankly, even without moving this test is helpful. Knowing what your ideal environment (or worst environment) looks like, you start to understand what energizes (or drains) you and which attributes or qualities are important to you in life. You can use this understanding to identify activities, experiences or people that share these qualities and/or give you a similar feeling.

For example, I’ve lived in the Netherlands and Japan. 1 thing I like about the former (and dislike about the latter) is its straightforwardness (or lack thereof, in Japan’s case). On the flip side, I like the pace of life in (rural/suburban) Japan much more than in the Netherlands: it’s slower, more intentional and less stressful.

Upon reflection, it now makes sense to me that I prefer being my own boss over having a job: I want to decide my own pace and not be rushed by others. Similarly, even if I work with/for others, I’m not cut out for working in/with large corporations: the office politics and bureaucracy don’t suit my preference for straightforwardness. Finally, my desire for tranquility and intentionality make me realize that I’m not cut out for back-and-forths, in-person sales or projects involving many others: I want to do my thing, at my pace, whenever, wherever, however I want…and I prefer to work with others who are similarly mission-driven and don’t “waste” time. By extension I prefer elimination, automation, collaboration and simplification over their counterparts.

This helps me understand what work suits me (and what doesn’t) as well as how (and where) I want to live my life. I’ve eliminated many possible options, decreased the number of activities to try (to find my passion) and made finding my passion that much easier.

Another environment, like spending time with your heroes, will change you whether you like it or not. The experiences you gain accelerate your journey to finding your passion. But even without moving, understanding where you’d like to be (and why) will bring you that much closer.

31. Life Force

I’ve taken this approach from psychotherapist Phil Stutz. He uses it to help people feel more alive. I think you can use it to find your purpose. 

In Stutz’s Life Force model, there are 3 levels to what make you, you. 

• The bottom, most primal level is your relationship with your body. 
• The second, middle level is your relationship with others. 
• At the top of the pyramid is your relationship with yourself.

If you’re lost, depressed or feeling stuck, Stutz thinks it’s important to work on your Life Force first – in the above order. Do that and moving forward becomes easier.

I summarize it as: when in doubt, start with your body.

A quick Google search provides a tsunami of information on physical health. It’s overwhelming. But everything comes down to:

• Sleep properly
• Eat properly
• Exercise

In that order.

There is no one-size-fits-all prescription for any of them. Our DNA is different. Our upbringing is different. As a result, our bodies have adapted differently. What is ideal for one, is not ideal for another.

But there is some overlap – a common thread for each that likely improves the performance of most.

To sleep properly: 

• Get sufficient sleep (7~8 hours for most)
• Sleep during the time you best recover (identify your chronotype)

To eat properly:

• Balance your macronutrients (fats, protein and carbohydrates). Simple trick: look at your plate and balance:
  • Vegetables and fruits
  • Protein: beans/legumes and/or animal protein
  • Grains
  • Nuts, seeds, yoghurt, cheese or avocado on the side – your fat sources.
• Vary what you eat.
• Always leave some room for more.
• Ensure that the time between your last and first meal is longer than the time between your first and last meal. (i.e. your fasting window exceeds your eating window. Your body needs time to digest and recycle cells – that’s what fasting is for.)
• Pay attention to how different foods make you feel. Which make you sleepy, groggy, less focused, less energetic, more likely to procrastinate? The only food to avoid is what you decide on – ignore lists and decide for yourself. Understand how food affects you to make that decision. 

Exercise:

• Walk daily
• Get your heart rate up daily

Those are the basics. Get your sleep in order, then your nutrition and finally your exercise. You don’t have to do much – you definitely don’t need intricate plans: keep it simple and get the basics down.

A personal example: when I quit my job and started for myself, I didn’t yet know what I wanted to do. But I felt I wasn’t the person I knew I could be. Before finding my purpose, I decided to improve my state. 

I started with my sleep: no more alarm – I let my body decide how much sleep I need. This simple change made a huge difference: I felt great and energized every day. Your body knows what it needs. Listen to it and let it work its magic. 

I realized I needed about 8 hours of sleep. I then started to experiment with different sleeping times: sleeping at 22:00, at 23:00, at midnight. When did I feel best? Which days was I my best self? Your times will be different, but in my case I realized going to sleep around 22:45~23:00 works best for me.

It took a few weeks of trial-and-error but with my sleep in place, I started looking at my nutrition. I noticed after some meals I felt better than others. I tried many different diets and, 3 years in, continue to tweak to today. But I have a good idea of what works for me, how certain foods and the amount of food make me feel. I outlined the basics above. That should help you make improvements quickly.

I also experimented with fasting. I realized I felt better, more focused and more peaceful on an empty stomach. It took some time to train my body – the first few days I simply felt “hungry” – but it quickly adapted. I now eat once or twice per day. But, again, do what works for you. Experiment.

A year into working for myself I was in a much better headspace. I had regained my calmness and kindness (my girlfriend can attest to it). I attribute it to getting my sleep and nutrition in order. Our body fuels us while we’re awake. I learnt to treat it like the temple it is.

But the real unlock came when I added the third component: exercise.

Success begets success. Progressing in one domain makes progress in another domain easier AND more likely. Progress in sleep or nutrition is difficult to measure or notice – it’s largely “feeling” (some may see body changes). But exercise? The results SHOW quickly – just look in a mirror.

I committed to daily exercise: I followed a 3~5 day/week callisthenics course and decided to give yoga a try on the other days. Both I could do from home. And I would do them as soon as I’d wake up, right after my morning toilet break.

Within a few weeks, I was stronger, more flexible, looked better and felt more energized. I could do things physically (touching my toes with straight legs!) that had been unimaginable a few weeks earlier. 

More importantly, I became more confident and every day became a more positive experience. As I made physical progress, I – without realizing it – made mental and emotional progress. This progress led to progress in my relationships. And this, in turn, led to progress in my business (and finances).

Think about it: would you rather be with an energized, positive person or a tired, stressed, negative person? Exactly.

Success begets success. Progress begets progress. It’s a virtuous cycle (and the reverse becomes a vicious cycle).

And that brings me back to Stutz’s Life Force model: when in doubt, start with your body. It’s the easiest to start with and it affects everything else in life.

Relationships with others and with yourself improve naturally as you improve your relationship with your body. And as you get these 3 relationships in order, you’ll become more confident, more adventurous, more energetic. You’ll try more “things.” You’ll do more “things.” You’ll meet more people. And it’s (those) experiences that help you stumble upon your purpose.

One final remark before I wrap up this section: your relationship with your body starts with the mind. 

A common framing is “I have to exercise or diet because something is WRONG with me.” This framing can be self-imposed or imposed by others.

A much healthier and more useful framing is “I can exercise or change my diet to IMPROVE myself, my mental health AND my life.”

Change how you frame a relationship and see that relationship improve.

32. Random walk

When you find yourself completely lost and nothing seems to be working, a random walk is the best medicine.

I mean this both literally and figuratively.

The easier one is the literal: go out and walk around. No destination, no goal, no agenda, no deadline, no time window, no music, no calls, no nothing. Just you and nature. Let your legs take you wherever they want to take you. Walk around based on feeling, not reason. 

Lift your head up while you walk: listen to the sounds of the world, observe the sights of the world, smell the fragrances of the world.

Thoughts may or may not arise. But the beautiful mystery of nature is that it clears all thoughts, eventually. Some walks it takes longer than others. But eventually, it clears every “monkey mind.” And you’ll feel refreshed.

These walks can help you find your purpose as you cycle through past experiences, observations, desires, wants, needs, feelings, thoughts, struggles…naturally. How many walks it takes…nobody knows. But mother nature helps you process everything (and make connections you otherwise wouldn’t see) – faster than you can do at home. It’s one of the many mysteries of the world. 

An alternative, more direct approach is the figurative: doing “random” things you’d otherwise never do.

• Visiting locations (Wonders of the World, Northern Lights, UNESCO World Heritage Sites) you never thought of visiting.
• Eating at restaurants you never thought of eating.
• Eating food you never thought of eating.
• Attending events (theater, music, films, conventions, conferences) you never thought of attending.
• Playing games (chess, checkers, bridge, poker) you never thought of playing.
• Doing activities (bungee jumping, scuba diving, mountain climbing, running a marathon) you never thought of doing.
• Learning a new skill (music, arts, sports, crafts) you never thought of learning.
• Talking with people (other cultures, other age groups, other professions, other political beliefs) you never thought of talking with.

Each of these provide experiences that expand your imagination. You can only uncover your purpose when you’ve been exposed to it. 

Sticking to what you know is useful when you’ve found your purpose. But when you haven’t found it, you’ll improve your odds of finding it by doing something you’re not used to. Experiences aid discovery.

The literal random walk helps you connect and clarify what’s within you. The figurative random walk gets you exposed to new experiences without you. Both lead to deeper self-understanding and accelerate the discovery of your purpose.

External approaches

33. Your best self

Prompt to ask others:

• When have you seen me at my best?

What is obvious to others may not be obvious to us. This prompt helps us uncover the obvious: the moments we were most helpful, the activities that most energized us, the times when others most enjoyed being around us.

Ask this prompt to family, friends and colleagues and get a list of moments, situations or activities to work with. Look for the overlap:

• What was I doing?
• Who was I with?
• Why was I doing it?
• What drove me that time?
• How did I feel at that time?
• How did I feel afterwards?
• How did I feel the second time?
• Why haven’t I done more of it?

For some the overlap lies in an activity, like playing chess or programming new software. For others the overlap lies in an underlying mechanism, like solving a difficult problem or doing something new. Still others find their overlap in feelings, like satisfaction in self-development or fulfilment in others’ growth.

Best case, you’ve identified 1 or a few pieces of overlap to further explore, in which case the next step is simple: do more of it. See if you agree with the assessment of others, if you feel at your best during those times. Develop a rational understanding and ask yourself “why” often. 

And, as always: try fast, quit faster. But always reflect on the experience.

Worst case, you couldn’t identify any overlap and you’re stuck with 1 or more disconnected activities, situations or moments. It doesn’t change the above game plan: try, do more of it if it energizes you, quit if it drains you. Then reflect. 

The only difference with the “best case” is reduced focus and you’ll likely have to do more trial-and-error to refine your list.

In case you find self-discovery difficult, asking the above prompt to others is a great way to advance.

34. The personality test

Personality tests won’t tell you your purpose. But they are helpful to improve your self-understanding. I don’t think there’s a “best” personality test out there: each shines a light on you from a different angle.

Some tests I’ve found interesting (with my results as of December 2023):

• DISC – basic: S/D; adapted: S
• 16 personalities – INFJ (Assertive Advocate)
• Principles You – Commander (secondary: Coach | Orchestrator)
• Enneagram – Type 7: The Enthusiast
• High 5 – Coach
• Jung’s 12 archetypes (Self: Great Father | Persona: Wise Old Man | Secondary for both: Innocent Child)
• Love Languages – Primary Language: Quality Time

You can use these results to assess if what you’re doing now, as well as what you want to do, suits your personality. This helps you eliminate things in your life or items on your “want-to-do” list, freeing time and mental space to pursue activities more aligned with your personality.

The next step: where to go from here

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I don’t have it all figured out but I learn, self-experiment and do my best to walk the slow march toward greatness with you.

Jim Bouman